My cheap apricot chicken (for two)

Warning: Explicit language, excessive unnecessary information, and violent themes. This recipe is not conventionally written. I have used much descriptive language. If you are an experienced cook, or just not interested in my bullshit, please refer to this link.

Ingredients:
1/3 405ml can apricot nectar
Take note that you will have to devise a method of freezing away each other third of the can of nectar. I recommend pegged sandwich bags, skilfully placed so as to avoid spillage.
1 truss tomato
1 small onion
2 tsps French onion soup mix
2 big chicken lovely legs
1 tsp unbranded curry
½ tsp salt
1 clove garlic
½ cup water

½ cup dry rice (exactly 125ml) makes enough rice for two.
If you are making brown rice, soak it for 2-8 hours before hand and plan an extra 20 mins cooking time. You may need to add more water during cooking as it has more time to escape.
If you cook too quick like me, you may need to plan 10 mins of rice boiling time before you even start on the apricot chicken.

This would be a good time to mention that this dish is fairly small and only really properly serves two with a good side of greens. I like green beans but basically anything fresh will do. Try boiling them only until they are just soft enough and have still retained their colour. It’s better for you.
When you are cutting them up, if you cut them small enough, put them straight into a measuring cup as you go and dispense into pot each time the cup is filled. This prevents overestimation of serving and thus wastage. For fussy eaters cook up exactly a cup each.
See, fussy eaters are fucking shits. They will habitually leave exactly half of their vegies behind. To ensure they eat at least half a cup of vegies, you will have to cook a whole cup up for them, then tell them if they don’t eat them all, you will actually kill them with your dirty onion knife, so that they cry harder while they bleed. They will still bargain their lives halfway through the serving, but at least they ate their god damn greens for once before they died.

Method:
DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO. REMEMBER TO PUT THE RICE ON FIRST. R E M E M E M B E R .
Chuck your rice in a pot on the stove on low. If the pot is too big, it just won’t work, trust me. Fill with water up to your first finger joint (just above finger nail) if you were to touch the very surface of the rice with your finger tip.

Nuke the lovelies:
Put the stove on high, put a pan on it, make sure it’s on the right burner (I always don’t fucking do that…), and add a squiggle of oil.
Stick the chicken lovely legs in the microwave for 6 mins on medium, or until almost cooked through. Chicken is very difficult to bring to a fully cooked state just by throwing it in a pot with the rest of the dish. I guess most people would brown them in the pan alone first, but I find this takes bloody ages and I’m also convinced it wastes a lot more power than just zapping them. You can easily just brown them in the pan after zapping them, this isn’t hard to do with a nice generous amount of olive oil, and it’s not a waste seeing you can do this while you are also browning the onion:

No crying matter:
While the chicken is in the microwave, top and end the onion (lop both ends off), slice down the middle from end to end, skin the halves, grab those rubbish ends and the half skins (they’re ticking time bombs) and bin them, then immediately run the halves and your hands under cold water for 10 seconds. Phew. Now that the chemical hazard has been contained and your fingers are evenly distributed across the kitchen bench, you can relax and chop your onions finely, add to pan along with the chicken lovely legs which at this point should look a little yucky.
Now you have time to dice your tomato and tiny up your garlic. I do not personally care about the brown spot at the top of the tomato, I just slice it like so:
After this turn your lovely legs and onions over in the pan.
And the garlic:
After this add your tomato, garlic, apricot nectar, ½ cup water. Stir.
Then straight away add your curry powder and salt. Stir.
Add French onion soup last just 2 mins before taking the dish of the stove, it may thicken it and this is not what you want until the very end or you’ll end up with a sticky mess. To avoid lumps sprinkle the French onion lightly all over and quickly mix it in, assuring an even distribution.
You will know the dish is ready to eat when the tomatoes are done how you like and the chicken is cooked right through. It is important for your health for your chicken to be very dead before you eat it. If you see blood or pink when you bite in, stick it back in the microwave. I don't care how wrong it feels.

Tips:
Why a tomato? I’ve discovered it offers the best flavour support to the apricot nectar, enhancing the taste and probably using less sugar than just using more apricot nectar. I’m sure it’s better for you to have something fresh in there than just all canned.
New to apricot nectar? It comes by the can in the same aisle as the long life juice at the supermarket. I’ve never drunk it straight before, it’s probably not very good for you- I’ve only ever seen it used to flavour apricot chicken.
What are chicken lovely legs? Chicken thighs still on the bone. One joint has been snapped off, leaving just the knee inside the fat end. They’re lovely!

wild dagga experience

I thought I'd just drop by and share because I found a wonderful herb for mixing yesterday at a certain local shop that sells various herbs, teas, pipes, clothes, etc. On advice of the friendly and knowledgeable guy behind the counter we decided to seperate out the flowers and just smoke them, not the leaves. We got quite a bit for $15, enough for many sessions, maybe a few months worth.
We only had to smoke 75% as much weed to get as high as we normally do, I woud say imagine what you normally smoke in four parts, take one away and save it for another day, and add two parts of wild dagga. That's about what we did.
The flowers have a pretty visually exciting orange, fuzzy appearance, and smell fruity in their dried state. I put the smoke down super easily, my partner said it was prety smooth, and that you need a shallow pipe because it's kind of hard to keep it alight.
We tried to put it through a hand grinder and it really just didn't work. Scissors are probably much better, so that could really help with keeping it lit but I must add I couldn't find any scissors last night so we didn't try it.
It definitely felt different. After a couple of months of blending with catnip (was also good, but not as noteworthy as wild dagga) it was quite a contrast.
I would definitely reccommend it.